Another month… another Gazette.  Three full days of grinding a monthly community paper out of my behind.  I literally started with nothing… hmmm…. what happened in our town over the past month?   Hmmmmm….. what’s gonna happen in our town in the coming month?   Hmmmmmm….. Well, the answers they did come.  They always seem to. It always surprises me.

And I doubled my advertising.  When I sat down to write the first word this week I turned to my lovely, supportive husband and said, “I’m going to double my advertising this month.”  Honest to friggin’ God, that’s what I said.  And honest to friggin’ God, that’s what happened.

Right outa Oprah, I tell ya!

Freaky…

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

Sally, “I’m gonna make some money.”

Dad, “Oh, yeah? How?!?”

“Lemme show ya.”

Into our local grocery store. Sally sidles up to the till, “Can I have a Lucky 7’s, please?”

Cashier, “Is your mum or dad here?”

“Yup.” Points to dad.

Dad approaches. “What are you doing?”

“Makin’ some big money. It’s pretty easy.”

Dad shrugs, daring the angelic new gambler and allows the purchase of the scratch ‘n win.

They head out to the van. A coin for scratching somehow materializes in Sally’s hand.

Nuttin’. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

“Rats!”

“Hmmm-mmmmmm…..”

He won two bucks on Monday when I bought him his first one…. OOPS!

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

Ugh… there’s a reason I don’t drink. Last night… great fun out with the lady friends. Today. Essentially wasted. I tried to get a jump on the March Issue. Mmmmm…. really, no. Laundry. A grand total of two loads. Sleep. Yes. A fair bit.

But I couldn’t shake the nasty headache until I filled myself with gooey, drippy, tangy cheese, bread and a big ‘ol steak… a food coma to overwhelm the margarita migraine…

Just in time for the Oscars. The introduction of George Clooney down the red carpet: impetus for a rather awkward conversation of “who would ya do?” “Why only you, of course…”

So, in the spirit of evaluation as well as the spirit of all lovely actor-men, as I lay bloated on my couch, a little re-evaluation of the list is clearly necessary. And so, without further ado, lets get down to it… joining dear Viggo and Jon Stewart at the top of my to-do list: Javier Bardem. Colin Farrell made a definite move upwards. And what d’ ya know, after about eight years drifting down towards the nether regions (of the list, not me), Daniel Day Lewis makes an aggressive surge, nearing the top spot once more. The young scottish lad from Atonement is lovely, and the brogue catapults him skyward. Let me add, George Clooney has earned himself a permanent spot in third place. While those above and below may come and go, he will remain a very, oh-so-comfortable standard. Ohhhh… so many men. So little time… homeschooling and all…
Ahhhhh, but I digress. Tomorrow. You heard it here first. Tomorrow. I purge. Not in the bulimic sense, of course. But a concentration on healthy, clean food. My hot, spicy crunchy veggie soup. Cleanse. Yoga.

Winter is coming to an end. Oh yes! Time to clean up my act.

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

I just took a perfect walk with the boys. We went looking for buds. And, guess what… find ‘em we did. Glorious… the last week of February, days of sunshine, clear blue skies and now the itty bitty signs of new life in our neighborhood foliage. Just glorious!! We walked with our Beast. Willow (lab/pit bull pup) tagged along. Uncharacteristically lazy, I might add. Anyways, down to the beach. We can still walk on the ice but I’m so totally paranoid, picturing myself, flat on my belly, shimmying out onto the ice to fish out a soggy child, or God for bid, dog…

This outing with the boys was icing on a pretty good day. We got the flooring down in the bedroom downstairs. HOO-RAH! It only took my laying 1/3 of it before discovering I was doing it so totally wrong-o! Thanks to husband that cleverly deduced that it clicks together for the benefit of home improvement retards… it shouldn’t be this hard. I refuse to share what I was doing wrong. I consider myself incredibly capable in the whole carpentry/home improvement thing and to publicly admit this error would surely damage a carefully, meticulously created rep, man!

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

Well, despite our fears we enjoyed a spectacular lunar ecliptical show last night. Unlike yesterday’s post, these images were actually taken, so very carefully, by my own very self. While at the same time staving off frostbite and yelling at spastic, bouncing kids (full moon, yeah?!?!) to “stop running around the Goddamned camera” and “if one of you runs into this Goddamned camera…” and a little, “JeeesusssssChrisssst! Zip, if you’re gonna throw effing ice chunks, do it AWAY FROM THE GODDAMNED CAMERA!!!!” Aaaah… family time under the magic of a full moon, rising.  In fact, eclipsing.

This image was in fact the result of being bumped- Oh, God, did I freak! But then, I looked in my itsy bitsy little screen and what d’ya know… pretty cool.

After the miscreant’s fortuitous “bump”. After my wailing at him in the dark like some freak banshee. I decided to fool around. Like this:

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

“Sshhhh… mummy.” Fidge whispers and giggles.

“Don’t tell Daddy. I have his mowawning kiss.”

“Oh, you sneaky girl. Where?”

“I’m gonna yet you have it.”

Fidge lifts her little arm and with her other hand appears to pick something from her armpit.

“Heeahw. I’m giving it to you. Don’t tehawh Daddy.” She presses her empty hand, fresh from armpit, to my lips.

My lone girl child and I share a secretive giggle. I try not to feel guilty that today dad will not find his morning kiss. Cuz I have it…

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

And so… early morning… my favourite time of the day… I’m alone, it’s quiet, dark and I crank the heat to 73degrees to make it all cozy-schmozy (before husband gets up and, before he’s even had his morning pee, is turning it back down to 65- arrrrgh…) and I pour, out of my oh-so-wondrous coffee percolatin’ lovliness, my first perfect cup o’ joe. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

To make my mornings the easiest possible, and to not risk waking anyone prematurely, I prepare the coffee the night before. All that’s required of me next day, before I go for my morning pee, is plug it in. Magically, when I emerge from the loo… coffee. Hotter than stink. Ready. For me.

This morning: routine painfully interrupted.

Last night, downright pooped. Just enough left in me to settle in all snuggly beside sleeping girl child (yes, still in our bed) for American Idol, I asked my darling Filipes if he could make the coffee. Hmmm……… This seemingly small request launches a tedious not to mention, inconvenient, discussion about the household responsibilities that fall to him, alone. One and only example he continued to belabour: bucking and splitting firewood…

OK, fine. So the man chops wood. I have no problem admitting that he takes this on fully, solely.

I will not go into my list here, but suffice it to say, after remindiing him of my own list of responsibilities that exist in my lap alone, he then felt compelled, this one time, to prepare the coffee for morning.
Off to bed. I smile as hear him labour. Under the covers for the first night of real Idol competition. Yes….. Sing it, baby.

This morning. Plug. Pee. Bestest cup. Sugar. Pour. Bubbles and fizz as sugar instantaneously dissolves with the scalding heat of freshly brewed liquid. The comforting fruits of his labour. A chill of appreciation for my lovely man with a quick splash of the Cream-o….. uhhhhhhh……………wha?

Dishwater. Pale. Grey. Pour out half. Add more coffee (in my enhanced sensory state now noticing the pale liquid pour into my cup). Still grey. Still pale. Still so disappointingly reminiscent of dishwater, thoroughly dished. Ugh.

Make the coffee. Hear manly man up and stirring as a result of noisy grinder. Bleary, yet so very indignant, “You aren’t making a new pot of coffee?!?!”

Typical. In Man-dom. Do it shitty, so you never have to do it again. And do make sure you’re duly put out…

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

Well, this is a very special Wednesday. Why, you ask? Well, tonight at around 10pm EST, A lunar eclipse will occur when the Moon passes through some portion of the Earth’s shadow.

For those of you with longer attention spans, and would enjoy a little science lesson partially regurgitated from Wikipedia, I encourage you to continue….
This XXX event can occur only when the Sun, Earth, and Moon are aligned exactly, or very closely so, with the Earth in the middle. An astrological three-way, perhaps? Hence, the Moon is always full near a lunar eclipse. Oh my… The type and length of an eclipse depend upon the Moon’s location relative to its orbital nodes. I thought it was only my husband with a fixation on his orbital nodes?!?!
The red colouring arises because sunlight reaching the Moon must pass through a long and dense layer of the Earth’s atmosphere, where it is scattered. Hey, just like me after senior prom… Shorter wavelengths are more likely to be scattered by the small particles, and so by the time the light has passed through the atmosphere, the longer wavelengths dominate. Now we’re talkin’… It is the resulting light we perceive as red. Now you blush?!…. This is the same effect that causes sunsets and sunrises to turn the sky a reddish colour; an alternative way of considering the problem is to realise that, as viewed from the Moon, the Sun would appear to be setting (or rising) behind the Earth. The amount of refracted light depends on the amount of dust or clouds in the atmosphere; this also controls how much light is scattered. In general, the dustier the atmosphere, the more that other wavelengths of light will be removed (compared to red light), leaving the resulting light a deeper red colour. The perfect combination of kinky and romantic!
Thanks for the review, Wikipedia.

We would be totally jazzed… except that in this here valley, on the western slope of the Canadian Rockies, it is predicted to be all cloudy, socked in and overcast-y. Hmmph!

For those of you fortunate enough to not be all socked in, all cloudy and overcast-y, it will be lovely…. maybe not XXX, but certainly PG13… Enjoy!

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

Pretty much sums up how I am approaching this coming week….

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites

Here’s the deal… I know you are likely not a real human being that is personally posting comment after comment after fucking lousy comment.

I know you are a computer somewhere sending out hundreds, maybe thousands, of bullshit comments to unwitting and mildly clueless bloggers like myself so as to try to enhance your operator’s own fucking ego because they are otherwise impotent with a pathetically small penis Google ratings or getting his rocks off being an utter freak and social misfit trying to completely fuck up my computer.

Regardless the motivation, to whomever is pressing the GD send button releasing these bogus comments into the ether, and it appears the operator hiding behind his PC is Italian (a pity, considering I always thought I would welcome repeated messages from an Italian- I’ve no doubt indulged a fantasy or two… I digress…)… you completely, totally and without a shred of doubt… SUCK!!

Stop harassing me with your repeated SPAM messages. I’m getting really mad.

Should anyone come across this post and actually know what an innocent blogger can do to stop this aggravating electronic assault, I’d appreciate your insights.
My final word, before I send out my own irritating series of electronic grenades messages: you’ve had your little fun with my innocent little mommy blog, now leave me the hell alone!

Bookmark Me!

Hide Sites