This has been one helluva day. A great day, but Julie McCoy I ain’t. I did, however, successfully transport two senior citizens, one middle-aged woman and three miscreants hither, dither and yon in a matter of, oh… merely ten hours. While I will have pics up in a post to come- I’m just not up to it right now- the day began something like this:

8:00- Gulp last of second cup of coffee.

8:25- Miscreants are hair brushed, clean clothed and out the door and buckled into what is a CLEAN Honda Odyssey. No, I did not forget to mention that teeth were brushed. Teeth decidedly NOT brushed. But we’re out the door ready to pick up remaining party at timeshare condo for 8:30. Teeth-schmeeth….

8:40- Two senior citizens- one being visiting MIL, heretofore referred to respectfully as MILlie- and middle aged companion in CLEAN car and buckling up, on way to…

8:47- Quaint, local coffee shop ordering necessary sustenance. Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeegingersnap. Ahhhhh……

8:52- Smiling, content, coffee and gingersnap in hand, on my way out the door of quaint, local coffee shop I hear distinct and so-very-familiar blood-curdling caterwaul of my miscreants.

8:53+5secs- Opening automatic door of mini-van to see middle aged woman staring a-gawk as my two boys proceed to tear out each other’s hair by the roots while gnawing off one another’s fingers into nothing more than bloody little stumps. Screeching in a way that can only be described as otherworldly. Middle-aged woman stares a-gawk.

8:54- In an uncharacteristic display of restraint I immediately recover from my shockannoyancefrustrationbloodyeyedangerandragehumiliationembarassment at my children’s complete and total lack of self-control and decency and order them out of the vehicle. Voice calm but dripping in quiet maniacal fury.

9:55- Take boy miscreants over to furthestmost corner of small parking lot and scream my bloody fool head off, threatening torture, bodily harm and no freezies again, EVER explain to them calmly and rationally how absolutely inappropriate and disappointing their behaviour is.

10:00- Reassemble at the van, and as I silently offer myself effusive praise for controlled and effective parenting, buckle everyone in. Again. Glare meaningfully once more at offending miscreants. Two senior citizens, one being dear, blissfully clueless, MILlie, secure themselves once again in mini-van.

10:01- Middle aged woman conspicuous in her silence. I give an exhausted sigh. Gulp coffee. Slam van in reverse. Highway. North. Destination: A mere nine hours, thirty more minutes of valley, sight-seeing, family fun!

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