I Have a Ten-Year-Old!?!?!
beasley- eve of turning 10!, originally uploaded by tlcphotos.
This was supposed to be posted yesterday… but unfortunately, no internet available. So a day late, but no less significant!
I have a ten-year-old son who still tells me he loves me. Frequently. And the sentiment is, more often than not, accompanied by a big hug.
I am in love with this child.
When I stared upon his fat, red, bruised little face the first time, right where he’d been tossed upon my distended, exhausted belly, all wet and slimy… I felt an intense, complete, unadulterated and eternal love. It was a feeling unlike anything I had ever known before.
It was a love I could not have possibly comprehended before that day. Sure, I carried him for nine months. I knew he was coming. But really… I didn’t. There was nothing about his arrival I was prepared for. I was months shy of turning 30 and I still had no picture whatsoever of myself as someone’s mother. Jeez Louise, I was still grappling with my role as wife, and to some degree, daughter- OMG, and daughter-in-law?!?!- another title, another role, another responsibility, where I was afraid I would prove woefully inadequate, was just not on my limited radar.
Breezley Bean, you made me a mother for the very first time. And in those first very moments of your life outside my body, I was lost. Swirling in an emotional sea, one moment giddy with the feel of you in my arms and another alone in the shower in those early days, weeping. Crying for this little, precious person… a little personnow so vulnerable to the world. I could never protect you again like I had those brief nine months.
But now, ten so very short years later, I’ve somehow found my way as your mother… most days. But as a son, my eldest son… I have no idea how I got so lucky. You amaze me everyday. You are a fantastic brother- a natural leader to your two miscreant cohorts. You are the boy of my dreams, yet there’s no way I could have possibly dreamed you, whether those first moments or who you have become as a wonderful boy.
I look forward and feel so very blessed and grateful that I am able to be a part of who you will become.
Ten is huge, my boy! I can’t believe it’s come. I love you more than I can possibly say…. Forever and ever and always!!
