Yo! It’s Mommy Time!
Mommy time? Whenever I want it, thank you very much! OK, not so much. But I’m proud to say that when I do take it, which is not so unusual anymore, I enjoy it, appreciate it and without hesitation, understand the value of it. I know, and my family knows, I am a better mother because of it.
As the mother of three, I’d love to say that I’ve mastered the guilt. I’d like to say that at this point, I take my time, whether it be a hot half hour bath, an hour long walk with the dog, or time away for my professional responsibilities, with a relaxed “Hasta la vista, baby”. Not quite. There is always a little hesitation, a subtle nagging feeling that somehow I should be there for them. At all times. However, I’m getting better at putting these feelings in their rightful place. Away. After all, ultimately they are of benefit to no one. What has helped put these feelings of guilt in the proper perspective is that I have become very conscious of the fact, as has my husband, that for me to be an enthusiastic, engaged and vital mother, I need time to myself. It is essential at times, as a mother and as a human being, to realize and enjoy simply fulfilling my own needs, filling my own cup. It’s cliche, for sure, but the analogy works. You simply can’t accomplish much running on empty.
From the moment a woman becomes a mother it doesn’t take long for guilt to become a sentiment all too familiar. Whether it be having a career, not having a career; daycare, no daycare; too many toys, not enough toys; over scheduling, not enough activities; or simply, “oops! Bobby didn’t get any veggies with his Spaghetti-O’s!” There are endless parenting decisions and every one of them is able to arouse second-guessing and doubt, playing interminably on a mother’s heart and mind throughout each and every day. Motherhood and guilt are often frustratingly synonymous, but it is really a matter of how one handles that guilt that allows for actually enjoying something important like necessary time for herself. It is this understanding that is the first and most important step. Realizing how fundamental your own satisfaction and happiness are to the smooth functioning of the household is key. When you are able to logically rationalize, to yourself, the importance of taking valuable time for you, you are able to minimize the guilt of doing so.
Time to yourself doesn’t have to be an involved affair. If you have access to a friend, partner, family member or neighbor who can provide you with a little break, you’re in business for some good, stress free time to yourself. If this isn’t an option, certainly some quality children’s TV or movies can help occupy children while mommy takes some quiet time to herself, but also setting up children with favorite independent activities can allow for some valuable moments of mommy time. My own favorite opportunities for time alone are when I am out walking the dog. This has become a designated mommy ‘job’, so everyone just expects that mommy must take time out to make sure Honey gets her walk. I’m also a bath lover and I have always enjoyed a good soak. Oftentimes, in order to get a quiet bath, it involved children playing alongside on the bathroom floor with their toys. I’d get some quiet to relax and read a little, comfortable knowing they couldn’t get into anything. After some nice time relaxed, it wasn’t unusual for these quiet bath times to end up punctuated by some good mommy-kid time as the kid(s) ultimately ended up in the tub right along with me!
Ultimately, there’s no question that most likely, you will always be aware that time taken for you is time taken from the family. However, the sooner you become comfortable in the concept that this time taken from them results in far better quality time spent with them, the better for everyone.
