And let’s just call me mostly innernet challenged.

Supposedly it’s the social networking wave of the present and future and I’m left back perpetually “behind the eight ball”- a direct quote from former highschool algebra teacher, referencing me and my efforts in 10/11/12th grade (thanks in perpetuity, Mr. K)- and I can’t seem to find my way in this brave, new world of keeping people constantly abreast of what, where, how I’m doing.

I. Just. Don’t. Get. It…

Posted my “tweet” and wondered, who, really, gives a damn…

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Tap, tap, tap… anybody out there?!?  Y’know I look at my stats.  I know people are out there, but as with real, in-person life, ain’t nobody saying anything!

Not that I have people lurking outside my house or peeking in my windows- OK, so yeah, I guess there was this one time… - but I have a pretty solitary life.  I have a very small circle of friends with whom I socialize, trade kids and bitch about y’know, whatever.  But it’s small.  And, unlike so many other shut-in mommy bloggers, this solitude seems to be reflected back to me in the blogosphere.  How are other bloggers getting tens, dozens, even hundreds, sometimes freakin’ thousands of comments?  Am I just so much less sparkly?  Am I just so much less engaging? Do I not mention the hooters enough?  Maybe if I allowed a little more banter about the ol’ sex life?  What?  What?  What?  What will get me some GD attention on this effing innernet?!?!

Whaddup?  Here I sit, safely ensconced in my basement, waiting for friends, dammit.  Just like friggin’ highschool.  Come on people, I’m nice.  I’m friendly.  I’m even smart. Pleeeeeeaaaaase love me…….

Hey!  Comment and maybe I’ll even show you my hooters!

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And here it is- finally!  Once I lost my header a couple of weeks ago I just knew I couldn’t look at that dreary site anymore.  Can anyone say un-inspired?

And so, this one was provided for me by my genius sister… the gal behind Fresh Blog Designs.

And she did it really fast!  And it looks so great, I can’t stop staring at it!

Anyhow, my posts shall be prodigious and profuse as of now.  I no longer have the excuse of the dreary, greyish brown blog cubicle to hinder my bloggy creativity!

Thank you genius sister.  I owe you too many to count one!

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I do love me some Jon Stewart.  And, apparently, in his mutual regard for me he sent hundreds of people to this here oh so very obscure mommyblog!

With the mere mention of penis.  OK, so it was Colin Firth’s Penis, but their conversation and my subsequent post brought in the masses. Who knew?

Just a little bloggy messin’ around.

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Ahhh… would that it were. Every girl’s dream, Jon Stewart and Colin Firth… and a penis! Does it really get any better than that?!
CLICK HERE: dreams of Colin Firth’s penis and divorce….

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Well, this is a very special Wednesday. Why, you ask? Well, tonight at around 10pm EST, A lunar eclipse will occur when the Moon passes through some portion of the Earth’s shadow.

For those of you with longer attention spans, and would enjoy a little science lesson partially regurgitated from Wikipedia, I encourage you to continue….
This XXX event can occur only when the Sun, Earth, and Moon are aligned exactly, or very closely so, with the Earth in the middle. An astrological three-way, perhaps? Hence, the Moon is always full near a lunar eclipse. Oh my… The type and length of an eclipse depend upon the Moon’s location relative to its orbital nodes. I thought it was only my husband with a fixation on his orbital nodes?!?!
The red colouring arises because sunlight reaching the Moon must pass through a long and dense layer of the Earth’s atmosphere, where it is scattered. Hey, just like me after senior prom… Shorter wavelengths are more likely to be scattered by the small particles, and so by the time the light has passed through the atmosphere, the longer wavelengths dominate. Now we’re talkin’… It is the resulting light we perceive as red. Now you blush?!…. This is the same effect that causes sunsets and sunrises to turn the sky a reddish colour; an alternative way of considering the problem is to realise that, as viewed from the Moon, the Sun would appear to be setting (or rising) behind the Earth. The amount of refracted light depends on the amount of dust or clouds in the atmosphere; this also controls how much light is scattered. In general, the dustier the atmosphere, the more that other wavelengths of light will be removed (compared to red light), leaving the resulting light a deeper red colour. The perfect combination of kinky and romantic!
Thanks for the review, Wikipedia.

We would be totally jazzed… except that in this here valley, on the western slope of the Canadian Rockies, it is predicted to be all cloudy, socked in and overcast-y. Hmmph!

For those of you fortunate enough to not be all socked in, all cloudy and overcast-y, it will be lovely…. maybe not XXX, but certainly PG13… Enjoy!

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Here’s the deal… I know you are likely not a real human being that is personally posting comment after comment after fucking lousy comment.

I know you are a computer somewhere sending out hundreds, maybe thousands, of bullshit comments to unwitting and mildly clueless bloggers like myself so as to try to enhance your operator’s own fucking ego because they are otherwise impotent with a pathetically small penis Google ratings or getting his rocks off being an utter freak and social misfit trying to completely fuck up my computer.

Regardless the motivation, to whomever is pressing the GD send button releasing these bogus comments into the ether, and it appears the operator hiding behind his PC is Italian (a pity, considering I always thought I would welcome repeated messages from an Italian- I’ve no doubt indulged a fantasy or two… I digress…)… you completely, totally and without a shred of doubt… SUCK!!

Stop harassing me with your repeated SPAM messages. I’m getting really mad.

Should anyone come across this post and actually know what an innocent blogger can do to stop this aggravating electronic assault, I’d appreciate your insights.
My final word, before I send out my own irritating series of electronic grenades messages: you’ve had your little fun with my innocent little mommy blog, now leave me the hell alone!

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I do yoga. Which I love. I also meditate. OK, no. I work hard to try to meditate. Many mornings, today included, I sit with bum placed comfortably atop couch cushions, knees tucked alongside the pillows. I sit upright. Shoulders down. Eyes closed. And I quiet my mind.

I quiet my racing, distracted, anticipating, planning, going over today’s oh-so-important to-do list (which includes the drugstore in hat, shades and mustache to purchase pinworm meds- BOYS!), wishing I had not completely lost it yesterday, mind. I exert all of my pathetically inadequate mental energy to attempt to use no mental energy. I am quiet and I focus on my breath.
To assist, I have mantras:

“I will not scream today.”

“Patience. And… I will not scream today.”

“Love. Patience. And… I will not completely lose it, freak out or scream today.”

Helpful little mantras that bring me back to my breath. Mindfulness. I work to embrace my breath. Mindful. Of mantras and breath.

Because, soon enough, it will inevitably degenerate into mindless-ness, as the day progresses.

While it may not exactly be Working for Me, yet, this Wednesday, it is a great exercise in quieting an overactive, perhaps less than effective, mind. Give it a go. I’d be curious to know if anybody can really do it.

Sit. Be. Breathe. I dare ya…

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This is what will be at least for the time being…  all things considered I am much happier with this layout and design.  I will love switching out the masthead for a new image, every so often.  As my boredom the spirit moves me.

Superbowl this afternoon.  I don’t really care.  But we are having a party!  Fresh salad rolls with peanut sauce on the menu.  As well my fave chili con queso dip.  Oh, God.  This afternoon will be lovely. 

Some days- particularly socked in, gloomy, chilly days- just call for runny cheese.

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Better.

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